Hello, 911? I'm in a crisis but I can't tell you what the crisis is. I'm sure all my lovely anxiety brothers and sisters can relate to that statement. It has no rhyme or reason sometimes when it decides to creep into your mind. Those little insidious thoughts that start can take you in to full blown heart palpitations and make you feel like its time to pull up to the emergency room. Because, there's no way your not headed into cardiac arrest.
As long as I can remember I have dealt with the annoyance of anxiety. As a child, I didn't realize that was what I was dealing with. My little mind would start trickling in intrusive thoughts that would make me have a nervous tummy and make me quiet around others. As I got into my teenage years and young adult years. I started suffering from social anxiety along with my glorious generalized anxiety disorder. There's nothing like being blessed with two anxiety disorders at the same time, to give you the beauty of constant fight or flight mode. During those years, I didn't know how to cope with what was going on inside my mind and body. I didn't talk to my friends or family about it, because high school is the small world of you will be judged for everything in your mind. Instead of verbalizing my issues, I started drinking and flirting with other forms of substances. They were quick outlets to calm my nerves down to allow me to try to enjoy the social things, your suppose to at that age. The one thing with that, it only helps momentarily and tends to make it worse in the end. Because, if you are a true walking anxiety definition like me, the worry of did I make an idiot of myself comes next.
For me God, has a sense of humor and always has the best climax to bringing the significance to your life struggles to me. He has this way of having method to what seems like madness to you. My senior year of high school I found myself wanting to become a hairstylist. The idea though of being in charge of executing great hair and then on top of my social anxiety completely overwhelmed me. Through my moments of my mind throwing me into anxiety attacks. My spirit still seemed to nudge me to follow through with cosmetology. I decided to take the plunge and see what life had instore for me with hair.
It was during that time God really showed me the power you do have in diminishing your anxieties. Becoming a hairstylist threw me into the therapy I needed in overcoming my excessive worry. All day long I had new people sit in my chair that were putting full trust in me with making their hair look great. As well as, carrying on conversations that were enjoyable for them. Little by little I found my nerves and my mind starting to subside, with confidence starting to come to the forefront. I had conversations that showed me that people aren't as scary as your mind makes them out to be. That everyone struggles with insecurities and looking for human connection that makes life relatable for them. The continued repetition of doing hair services grew my confidence, that I was a great stylist.
That time in my life taught me more about healing from anxiety then I think any other therapy solution I could have tried. I learned my main trigger for anxiety was fear and still is today. Fear for me, is the lack of understanding something and the what if scenarios. As, I believe it is for most. The lesson God taught me is that we have to confront our fears. We have to come face to face with them to see that they are not as scary as our mind has made them out to be. And as you face them, you are coming into all your natural raw talents and strengths God has stored in you.
As I said from above God has a sense of humor and the best endings to things that do not make sense. I am now finding myself blogging to you guys about all my insecurities and talking away on podcast. Making myself completely vulnerable to all the what if' scenarios how will people like what I have to say. I wouldn't be able to have the courage to do this, if I hadn't trusted my spirit and rolled the dice on hair. Everything in your life is always a set up for something even greater. I will always be a web md definition of anxiety. That is something I will struggle with for the rest of my life, but I now allow myself to see my spirit is always bigger then my mind. That fear is something that tries to hold me back from living my life to its full potential.
So, worry no more, my friends. Life is not to be feared but to take chances and trust Gods got method to your madness.
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